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Posted by Dennis Ng , Friday, September 18, 2009 8:46 AM

hm... ytd night talked to kor hon(pastor hon), he asked me at that time why didnt i seek his help... he would have help me. Now that he understands he assured me, he can discern whats going on and he is not manipulated by others. I told him i wanted to protect myself from all these, but he said it is God's commitment to protect me, telling me that to protect ourself is absolutely the devils lie. To why all these bad things that are happening in church is because people are self centered and still not spiritually mature. Kor Hon knew that i snapped being hit on all sides... he said the Spirit in me disappeared suddenly, it twisted. Either i grow from it or i stray away from God. He then encourage me to restore the relationship with God.

Actually i am pretty "Du lan" with God that i have to go through all these. I did everything with a sincere heart and following Him, i tio wack left right. And i felt no protection around me at all!! When Kor Hon said God will commit to protect me. I really dont see it!! Actually i didnt know God will protect me even. Protect me from His own people? A bit weird right? I written what God has given me to write, dream things he had given to me, vision things that He enabled me, discern things that He also has shown me by His Spirit. And by all these HIS PEOPLE hates me..
I'm pizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed off. If you guys wonder what is actually happening, ok i tell you. Being strip off from serving God, being put down from the email devotions, tension with another leader due to having Kor Hon as mentor, betrayer from a guy who wanted my ex gf, hence being gossip and spread rumors for all these. Certain friends starts to drift away from me, many misunderstood me and wrongly accuse me. SNAPPED. Where is grace? Everyone encourage to go back cell group, acting as if i have sinned and rebellious because i did not go back. Humans are really weird.... where all these mindsets comes from?? =_=" or is it they need a leader back like me! WAHAHA... i am proud. My leadership in church, i will be greatly challenge. Others wants credit, they will kill me for it. But i have no eyes for such credits. Its of no value to me. Makes me vomit.

Truely i was asking.. then why God give me??? Haiz... i know i am complaining.. haha... stupid right? But Pastor Edmund said this, believe that God is good, He is in control and He will bring it to pass.... so today i wanna make this bold statement here.

To God,

"God, i am writing to you now... not the first time.. but it still feels good writing. I haven talked to You for like a month plus already. You know that i am upset and angry over all the things that has happen. Now can i kindly ask that, we talk again? Lets get back together. But i got condition... You gotta commit Yourself to me ok? You see those idiots.. i mean Your other sons and daughters.. ok sorry for calling them idiots. But i really buay tahan them. If i trust You, will You protect me? I mean at least when i am doing Your stuff at least tell me You around me... dont let me go on doing things kena tekan then dunno You around a not. I need Your assurance O Lord. I called You Lord. You know i dont give my respect or allow any Tom Dick and Henry to order me around. I am very particular. And i am giving myself to You to call You Lord. Lets make an agreement ok? Once again, lets join hands. Lets walk these journey again. I am stubborn and strong willed. But being with you, i think its going to be fine.

Now about Melvin, Yvette, Uncle Henry and some of the rest. I know You got your job to do. I will not interfere. But when time comes for action, prepare me to do what i need to do. I already can sense something from You but i know its not time yet. O Lord, may what You do brings glory to You. Assure me when time comes. I will start again from 1 Peter where You have given me previously where i broke off from there. Help me start over again. Thank You.
Because i know i will arise, You embrace the humble and those who seeks to return to You. You are a Just God!"

Dennis Ng
With Love
To God