Someone Special back then

Posted by Dennis Ng , Monday, July 13, 2009 11:25 AM

I love many people and i enjoy being around with many people. Both gals and guys but i get more personally with ladies, big part is because i grew up with a lot of ladies around me. But if you know me enough, i dont fall for girls easily. Because it takes me much time to develop feelings, and i am slow in this area. So far in my life I've fallen only and badly for 3 ladies. On average it took me more than 1 year to develop a certain kind of feeling towards them. Whats written here, is the 2nd(the special one i call it) and 3rd i am talking about.

I'm writing this with a realization that this particular person who has a special place in my heart. Upon seeing her again recently brought back memories and the things that is left in my heart. It was a very special relationship for me at that time, even till today. A great mix of relationship and feelings for, like a teacher, like a elder sister, like a friend and a partner. It was bittersweet, it was special. It had a great impact on my life. It is someone whom i admire.

Though there was a moment where i threw away all the things that belongs to past relationship for another important person's sake(no longer now), i committed much more to another person then this past relationship, the fact is i never removed this special place for this someone special. I believe it was due to the deep intermacy i had with her back then. It was deep emotionally, deep mentally and deep physically. It was too deep to even be replace with anything since then. For some reason the special place in my heart wasn't removed, it was just hidden, i just realize it anyway, it wasn't like love but it was kept, i couldn't explain in full either, but it is special.

I will share this feeling i had when i saw this lady and recalling the memories that was hidden away:
It seems as though the world is dark and she is like the fire in the darkness. All datings and relations with other girls that ever happened becomes meaningless. Even the other relationships i once had which i treated seriously seems tasteless in comparison. The world seems dull and i seem to have just lost interest. Even the greatest relationship i had recently was instantly vanished from my heart and mind. The present and future seems to have stop and slow down. That is how special this gal has been in my life.

There is much to share. But now i want to understand myself a bit better and how i am feeling. I believe because the past heart issues wasn't probably resolved within me. I am going to reflect upon it. Then i will continue with the rest of the story.