Social and Relational Brokeness

Posted by Dennis Ng , Wednesday, March 24, 2010 8:52 AM

I notice the life of people is becoming worst, both young and old are receiving a lot of stress. Culture and tradition plays a part. Expectations are rising, and encouraging words are rare to hear. Even when people treats you well, you do not know if they come with hidden motives. Only few are truly sincere and genuine.

The 3 words " I love you" has lost its depth. They hardly mean anything now a days. People simply abuse the words, using it only for their selfish reasons rather than truly loving the person. And people are hardly taught to show grace to one another, giving one another space to make mistakes and grow. We simply hit one another down with expectations and rights. Forgiveness is rare, saying thank you, please, welcome is hard to hear. Even within family members, little love and gentleness is shown to one another. Imagine one that has never been encourage or shown love for 10 years, would he/she give a damn about doing the right things? Obviously not. Would family members, esp children come to their parents or siblings for help? Never, even i would rather find outside friends.

Now here is the catch, family are no longer as close and strong. Most children don't share lives with their parents or siblings. All the parents cares is results and expectations, even comparing with other peoples children. Husband and wife hardly spend time together due to work and $$. Divorce rates are getting higher, and broken people are increasing.

Sch lives and expectations are also getting really tough. It can easily been seen by my own circle of friends studying in school. And also evident cases in school where students committed suicide. What can you expect when all the schools and teachers are only concern with dollars and cents and status rather than Care for students? Consider yourself lucky if you have a good teacher.

Next is social life between guys and girls. With the lack of proper friendship of the same gender, people start to look for friends from the opposite gender making friendship and relationship very tricky. With the increasing need of love and care and attention, guys and girls make use of one another. Girls believes guys makes better friends and keep them closely to their side where they often cross the boundary. They believed in a lie. It is appropriate to learn to communicate and make friends with the same gender, as they provide friendships that opposite gender cannot provide. There is a need for guys talk/girls talks, group outings, networking. Hence it is only healthier to make friends with same gender first. The difficulty of making a friend of same gender is actually not as tough as in a love relationship. The problem does not lie with same gender making lousier friends, but good friends itself is hard to find. And a good friendship often requires a lot of effort and time. And that is the same of boy-girl relationships. Its never easy.

So the formula is this:

1. Unable to make friends of same gender = Almost unable to make healthy and genuine relationship with opposite gender.
2. Substitute opposite gender to become close friends rather than same gender = Higher communication and relational problems with Love relationship"BGR"

It is only natural when guys have more desires to get closer to women, esp when girls are attractive and needs attention. Guys are just wired that way. And it is wrong to think that that makes them better friends. So most girls starts making use of them by grabbing attention, venting, communication, sharing personal issues to guys with more sexual sensual visual weakness. And a boyfriend is needed only when they "FEEL" a lot for him. That is pure foolishness. BGR starts with friendship, can you even marry and living with someone forever you cant even be friends with but just base on "love" feelings? If they have given attention and time invest to other guys, then what is the role of a boyfriend\husband? Personally i would never want to date with such a girl, because she gives little security to stay on in the relationship. Because "FEELING" is never consistent, in addition, she invested so much time on other guys sharing and talking making use of one another, what makes you so sure that she wont hop to another guy when shes on bad terms with you?

And this also goes to the same for guys. Hanging with out different girls. Most of the time is base on sexual desires and visual pleasures. Guys have a weak mind and will always be tempted to have relationship with girls even when they are attach. But if a guy learns to keep his boundaries, and learns to communicate with girls appropriately, like not being together at close up areas, 1 to 1 communications, one is less likely to fall into temptation and making the same mistake like Jack Neo.

I personally dislike the attitude(not the girl but the attitude) that girls make use of guys for their selfish gains and claim to only make good friends with guys because its easier. And i also disagree with guys that they do not keep themselves at watch and fall for temptation even when they are attached